Life was busy; all three kids were in two different plays. We spent our nights running here and there getting ready. Then my washing machine went kaput. We were trying to be frugal so we bought a used washer that had been refurbished by an appliance repair center. Silly us…the dryer missed its mate and decided to break within ONE WEEK!!! Fine, we went to the same appliance repair center and bought a dryer. A week later that washer broke requiring us to drive it back, have it fixed again, and then brought back home. Then our fridge was feeling left out and it too had to be replaced. Then my father decided it was time to allow his body its rest and passed away. A day before the funeral we had heavy rain and part of my basement flooded. Then the water softener and the telephone system died. Not to be outdone, my car needed to be inspected and the rear brakes, rooters, and all four tires needed to be replaced before passing inspection. My oldest came to a point where she could no longer do her math without a $130 graphing calculator and a new expensive pair of shows for gym because hers were hurting her feet running. With as much time as I have spent in the physical therapy office with her, I take her leg/feet pain seriously. Then my 14 year old cat decided that my entire house is his litter box. This all happened within about a 6 week period.
My daughter did a load of laundry two days ago and I decided to fold it. Hmmm, what are these HUGE rips in the clothing? What, the dryer is eating and burning clothes? I know that I am angry about this. Really, I am. But to be honest, I just can’t feel it. I feel numb. I never really knew what this felt like. I’ve heard the expression; I thought I could relate. Let me share what it feels like. It feels like being awake, going through the motions of life, but having no emotions towards things…happy or sad, angry or mad. I know that I should not like because I don’t get to feel joy or excitement, but to be honest, I’m okay with it. I’d rather be numb then in the loony bin…right? I know that I am being blessed in so many aspects of my life and I think as strange as it sounds, numbness is really a great blessing right now. You may say that I should go see a professional. But do I really want to feel the emotional exhaustion and fatigue or am I okay with the numbness? For today I’m good with numbness for who knows what tomorrow may bring and besides, I haven’t even tried to pay the bills yet!
My daughter did a load of laundry two days ago and I decided to fold it. Hmmm, what are these HUGE rips in the clothing? What, the dryer is eating and burning clothes? I know that I am angry about this. Really, I am. But to be honest, I just can’t feel it. I feel numb. I never really knew what this felt like. I’ve heard the expression; I thought I could relate. Let me share what it feels like. It feels like being awake, going through the motions of life, but having no emotions towards things…happy or sad, angry or mad. I know that I should not like because I don’t get to feel joy or excitement, but to be honest, I’m okay with it. I’d rather be numb then in the loony bin…right? I know that I am being blessed in so many aspects of my life and I think as strange as it sounds, numbness is really a great blessing right now. You may say that I should go see a professional. But do I really want to feel the emotional exhaustion and fatigue or am I okay with the numbness? For today I’m good with numbness for who knows what tomorrow may bring and besides, I haven’t even tried to pay the bills yet!